Disappear for 6 Months and Become a New Person
Are you tired of yourself?
Are you tired of your current life?
Do you feel like you need to change?
Do you feel like what you currently have isn’t all there is or all there could be, and that there’s so much more out there?
Are you surrounded by people that don’t support you or make you feel accepted?
Do you know this, but for some reason can’t seem to break the same crappy or monotonous circumstances, habits, and routines that make life suck?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may need to disappear for 6 months - and become a new person.
Because as it stands, if you remain here, life will stay the same, things will never change, and you’ll leave this world unfulfilled.
It’s often said that what we regret most in life are the things we didn’t do, not the things we did.
But if there’s any hope or optimism peeking out for a better self or better future, now’s the time.
This is your catalyst.
Tired of Your Old Self/Life
There are many people living right now, who like you, are tired of themselves.
They’re tired of their lives.
They fear that today, tomorrow, and the next 20-30 years will be the same things over and over again.
Partying, getting drunk, doing stupid things, going back and forth to a job they hate, never taking the shot, or even trying for their dreams.
Everything feels pointless, like a waste of time, and they’re surrounded by those that don’t understand them.
Or worse: they actually enjoy doing the same stupid sh*t over and over again.
You’re not suicidal, but you’re tired of yourself and you’re tired of your current life.
Believe me, I know how this feels, because well, I’m going through it right now.
And I’m writing this in an effort to make changes to move forward and break free, before it’s too late.
I share this with you hoping it’ll help.
The first step is to accept that you’re done and that you need to change.
Recognize that you don’t want this life or self anymore.
See it as a problem, a cope that may help temporarily, but will only make things worse in the long term.
That these old habits, routines, and character traits are all holding you back from living the life you could be living.
And recognize that within the desire to change exists the temptation to blame.
Blame others, blame circumstances, blame genetics.
All of these are valid and we want to use them as reasons for our shitty circumstances - but we can’t.
Because blame will take away our greatest power: responsibility.
If we’re always pointing fingers at other things as the reason for our current circumstances, we lose the ability to do anything about them.
But the moment we take responsibility for our current self/lives, even if it wasn’t our fault, we gain power over it.
We become able to actually do something about it, because instead of saying “Why me?”, we say “Who cares why? Why doesn’t matter. I’m gonna do it anyways.”
And then, change can finally begin.
Kill Your Old Self
If change were easy, everyone would do it.
But the fact of the matter is it’s hard, very very hard, and that’s why most people remain living the same miserable meaningless lives they do.
But regardless of how hard it is, we need to do it, because it’s better for us in the long run.
Change is the first step to building a new self and a new life.
If you want to change, you must first understand an important concept:
To build a new self, we must kill our old self.
Many people never change because they’re afraid of being uncomfortable.
When we change we must do different things, go to different places, be around different people.
And all of that can be scary or intimidating.
Why? Because it’s unknown, and humans naturally fear the unknown.
That’s why they say, “Better the devil you know, than the angel you don’t.”
Because although people intrinsically know change is good for them, they can’t do it for fear of what they don’t know or understand.
Even if they know a different job will pay better, have better hours, give more vacation time, that initial few weeks or months of uncertainty and rockiness is enough to keep them at their old crappy job for years.
But if you truly want to change you must embrace discomfort and uncertainty.
Don’t be attached to who you are and what your current life is.
It may seem okay and tolerable right now, but as you get older, the price gets higher.
Why?
Because we only have a finite amount of time, we’re not getting any younger, and we’re not getting any more life.
So the longer you stay in your current position, the more expensive it becomes to remain the same.
It’s like settling for a meal you don’t really want because you’re too lazy to tell the waiter he made a mistake.
But instead of the cost being just one irrelevant meal, it’s your one and only life.
Confucius famously said, "We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one."
We have many meals, but we only have one life, which means that anything less than what we want isn’t worth it.
What this looks like practically is constantly changing, constantly evolving, and constantly killing your old self.
Don’t feel remorseful about change - see it as a good thing.
Because every time you change you take a step closer to your goals and a step further away from the life you hated.
It’s not change, it’s growth.
It’s not change, it’s evolution.
You’re molting, being reborn, and your old weaker self can remain in the past, as a reminder of your hard work.
On the other hand, staying the same or “not changing” is the true loss.
Because the longer it takes for you to change, the more time (your only precious resource) you waste on something you don’t want.
Naval has a great line that says, “The only real test of intelligence is if you get what you want out of life.”
Meaning if you feel like you’re “living right”, by someone else’s standards, accomplishing other people’s goals, and wanting the things other people want, but they don’t align with what you want, you’re not being smart.
In a sense you’re actually being “dumb”, because you’re forcing yourself to live a life you don’t want simply because you think it’s the right thing to do.
Whereas truly intelligent people know what they want and are willing to go for it, even if it doesn’t align with society.
At first change will be hard, but once you do it the first time, it gets easier.
I like to think about change like jumping into a cold pool.
It’s easiest when we jump in all at once and get it over with.
But our body and mind still resists, and we try to inch our way in.
But once we jump in, it’s actually not that bad.
Our body adjusts, we move around, and we acclimate.
It’s only uncomfortable for a few seconds, and then the water starts to feel pretty nice.
So change is just like jumping into a cold pool.
Hard at first, but only lasts a second, and not so bad once you do it.
If you’re having trouble getting over that hump, start with something small.
A tiny change here and there, a big change later, when you’ve built up the muscle of change.
It could start with changing the hand you brush your teeth with or saying “Hi” to the next stranger you pass on a walk.
There is always a change small enough for you to accomplish, even if you feel like there’s not.
In summary, if you truly want to change, don’t hold any sentiments.
Kill your old self, kill your old life.
It’s necessary to begin living the life you want to live.
Why Do We Need to Disappear?
Now you might be thinking:
“Okay Andre, I get that change is necessary and to change we must kill our older selves because it’s holding us back, but what about the things I do like in my life?
Sure I know my life could be better, but it’s not all bad, and there are actually some things I appreciate, like friends and family. What about them?”
Well, thank you reader, that’s a great question.
When I say “kill your former self/life”, it doesn’t have to be literally.
But rather, that’s the type of resolve, motivation, and commitment you need to have to truly change.
Change is hard and it takes a lot of effort over a long period of time - and anything half-baked won’t get you the same results.
Similarly, it’s very difficult to change while remaining in the same life, situations, and around the same people.
By definition, these things are biologically holding us back.
You see, change must occur separately.
The reason why we are stuck in our current life is because our bodies and minds are programmed to do things a certain way.
Wake up, go to work, eat, sleep, and all in a certain way at a certain time.
There’s a natural flow that we’re used to, and breaking that flow is weird.
But when we disappear, it becomes easier to build new habits, mannerisms, and mentalities.
Think of it like going off to university.
When we leave and enter a new school with new people where no one knows us, change becomes easy.
You can literally reinvent yourself based on the person you want to be, not the person you once were.
Because there’s no longer anything holding you back to play within those same rules and games - nobody knows you here.
It’s the reason why a nerdy quiet kid can all of the sudden become buff and social after going to college or transferring schools.
If he tried to do so in his old environment, it would have been very difficult.
Similarly, sometimes people can be the very problem that prevents you from changing.
Although we may look at old friends, romantic partners, and lifestyles nostalgically, change and growth means letting some of that go.
People have preconceptions about who you are as a person.
They have expectations of how you should act, what you should say, and what role you should play in their lives based on past experiences.
This doesn’t mean they’re doing it maliciously, but rather, this is just how social networks work.
And the moment you start to do something different, act a certain way, and try to change for the better, they’ll resist.
Because your change is making them uncomfortable, it’s forcing them to change something about their lives, and they didn’t sign up for it.
Many of our peers won’t be the most supportive of our change, even if they say they are on the surface - that’s just a fact.
People want to put us in a box, where they know who we are and can predict how we’ll act.
Life is easier that way and you’re more useful for them socially.
And some of them don’t want us to change simply because your growth will make them feel inferior and miniscule.
It creates a contrast for their life and shows them the changes they can do but haven’t been doing in the past decade.
This is why we need to disappear.
Change becomes easier when we’re in a different environment, around new and different people, and no longer have old habits and routines holding us back.
You don’t have to do it in a mean or rude way.
It doesn’t have to mean cutting people off or never seeing them again.
You can still hang out occasionally or just say “I’m busy” more often.
You simple need that space to figure out what you actually want, who you actually are, and who you want to become.
These answers won’t come by staying here.
But getting around new people who lack certain expectations of you will make it easier to break free of your old shell.
Again, it’s not forever, just for now.
After 6 Months
Once you’ve made up your mind to reinvent yourself, disappear for 6 months, and become a new person, crazy things will happen.
You’ll become more locked in.
You’ll stop doing the things you know are bad for you.
You’ll start doing more things you know are good for you.
Things you were scared to do before, suddenly become easier because you’re challenging yourself every single day.
You’ll start noticing yourself acting in different ways than you could’ve ever imagined.
And preconceived notions you’ve had about yourself start to break.
Maybe you thought you were super introverted and sucked at talking to people.
And then you just did it and realized you weren’t as bad as you thought.
Or you failed a few times, got better, realized it was a skill not a permanent trait, and grew from it.
Maybe you thought you weren’t very driven or ambitious.
But all it took was a few weeks of asking yourself what you actually wanted and doing something about it.
Maybe you thought the world and life was a dismal place and there was no hope for you.
But once you started putting your foot in the right direction, you realized more things were possible than you once thought, and the only one holding yourself back before, was you.
Maybe you thought you were an unattractive waste of space.
Until you started hitting the gym, getting in shape, getting your diet right, and surprising yourself in front of the mirror.
Many things will change as a result of disappearing and locking in.
Everyone’s journey will be different, but the time spent will be valuable and impact the rest of your life.
Just make sure you use this time to get your shit straight, not close yourself off from the world.
That’s not what disappearing means.
Don’t spend the next 6 months lying in bed on your phone and then become surprised when you return and nothing’s different or things are actually worse.
“Disappearing” means putting the work in.
And remember, there is no point in complaining about the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do.
If you spent your 6 months well, “returning” will be an interesting experience.
When you return, you might find yourself not fitting in in the same way you did before.
Old friends and family will try to treat you in the same way they used to - and it’ll feel weird because you’re no longer that same person.
You’ll see and recognize the difference between people’s actions, desires, and motivations.
It’ll all be apparent and interesting because you’re no longer in the thick of it.
And sometimes, this means no longer enjoying or wanting that past lived experience.
Friends you used to love hanging out with aren’t as fun to be around anymore.
Activities you used to enjoy are now boring.
And you might find yourself preferring to spend your time doing something else.
All of that is okay.
This is a normal consequence of change and is proof you’ve become a new person.
Our old selves and our old lives are now dead - and we’re sort of okay with that because we like and enjoy our new lives better.
You won’t feel as much remorse as you’d think, since you’ll be happy and proud of how far you’ve come.
You’ve become a new person - that was the point.
Finally, if you are still getting cold feet about disappearing for 6 months and becoming a new person, I can only offer one final reminder:
The cost of staying the same will always outweigh the cost of change.
Thank you for reading - I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
