Why It Always Feels Like You’re Going Down the Wrong Path
In Werner Herzog’s 2007 documentary Encounters at the End of the World, we see a lone penguin leaving his colony and walking towards the mountains.
Even when caught and reunited with the others, the penguin would continue to walk, heading towards it’s eventual doom.
There have many interpretations of this clip: some say the penguin is suicidal, others say there is some greater illness at play.
But perhaps the most popular takeaway seems to be the inspirational one.
While the entire colony, which represents friends, family, and even safety is headed in one direction, the lone penguin goes the other way, steadfast on it’s path.
Many see this as a metaphor to be different, chart your own course, and “stop following the script”.
To me, this signifies something greater.
The reason this meme has resonated so much with modern society is proof that many people are not living the lives they wish to be living.
They work at jobs they hate to buy things they don’t want to please people they don’t like.
It always feels like they’re going the wrong way, and they recognize that, yet they continue down that road anyways.
And they can only dream of breaking free from all the chains and walking their own path.
Because despite watching the video and thinking “so inspirational”, I’m willing to bet that 99% of people went back to the colony anyways.
But if you always feel like you’re going down the wrong path and you’re sick of it…then maybe it’s finally time for some change.
Taking the Harder Route
Contrary to what many think, going down the “right path” often means taking the harder route.
The harder route, although uncomfortable, usually has greater benefits and larger rewards.
Take Elon Musk and Steve Jobs for example.
Regardless of what you think about them as people, they both became very successful because of the challenges they overcame.
Revolutionizing electric vehicles and smartphones is no minor feat, let alone trying to get to Mars.
If you compare them side by side with society, it’s easy to recognize them as the purple cows or the penguin walking to the mountains.
This is because most people (the herd or colony) defaults to the easy path.
It’s natural and normal in our biology to do what’s comfortable, takes less energy, causes less stress, and is easier.
But when we compound this over the course of one’s life, every easy decision adds up against us.
Every time we avoid that thing we’re uncomfortable of, don’t have that awkward conversation, or blame others, we are teaching ourselves to go the wrong way.
It’s easy in the short term, but hurts us in the long term, because many of life’s problems don’t simply go away just because you ignore them.
This is why so many people suffer: because they cut corners early in life and never stopped.
Instead, we want to do the opposite: build a habit of leaning into what makes us uncomfortable - that will make us better.
This doesn’t mean we need to build the next iPhone or Tesla, just that if we want to walk our own paths we must stop avoiding the easy and start doing the hard.
Whenever we’re making a decision and we don’t know what to do, we should default to what’s harder, because that path will benefit us more later.
Some examples would be:
Go to the gym when you don’t want to - and don’t half-ass your push ups.
Be honest with others even if it means you’ll hurt them - lying only makes it worse later.
Stand up for yourself, even if it means confronting others.
Take responsibility for everything that happens in life, even if it wasn’t your fault.
These things will be hard at first, but when we get better at them they become easier.
Furthermore, learning to recognize the harder path as “the right path” will make life less confusing.
The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius once said,
"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
In other words, whatever’s blocking you, you’re avoiding, or feels hard is precisely the direction you must go.
If it always feels like you’re going the wrong way, it’s because you’ve been avoiding obstacles and taking the easy route.
But the “right path” is the hard one.
Living For Others
“If you’re succeeding at a job you hate, imagine how good you’d be at a job you loved.” - James Smith
When we grow up in society we become accustomed to “norms”.
There’s a certain expectation of us, things we should be doing, and things we should not.
Along with that, comes judgement, for those who step outside those norms and do something different.
It takes a courageous individual to walk his/her own path, and be okay with it.
Being “okay with it” often means not caring what others think of you.
That’s the part that hurts.
Humans are biologically and socially wired to people please.
Being accepted makes us feel better about ourselves and contributes to our survival.
Which leads us to doing things like working at a job we don’t care about, buying stuff we don’t need to prove status or impress others, and even staying in a relationship longer than needed.
Everything is externally motivated and people spend far too much time living for others.
If you feel like you’re going the wrong way, you might be walking down a path someone else or society has laid out for you.
An important question to ask yourself:
“What would I do if I didn’t care what people thought?”
If you ask honestly, you’ll get an honest answer.
It’s then you’ll notice something interesting happen: all sorts of excuses about why you can’t begin to creep up.
“Oh, but that’s not realistic.”
“That’s embarrassing.”
“How would I explain it to my mom?”
Sit with these thoughts and tell yourself: you will be okay.
People have this great fear that someone is watching their every move, making sure they don’t step outside of the boundaries or do something “wrong”.
Maybe that was the case in elementary school, but you’re an adult now - and you can choose to live the life you want.
This doesn’t mean drop everything and go full on hedonistic, drinking, doing drugs, and partying (I’d advise against that).
But maybe, start moving towards your dream job.
Start saving up for travel (if that’s what you want to do).
Start giving yourself permission to live life how you want, not how you think you should.
Because in reality, no one’s watching you.
There’s a popular quote that gets tossed around the internet nowadays:
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all".
Of course there are some exceptions like a helicopter parent or nearby narcissists, but you get the point.
Most people are overly concerned with their own lives to worry about yours.
And even those who do show judgement or concern are simply expressing that they wouldn’t live their lives like you.
But that’s okay - because they’re not you and this is your life.
One could say ignoring others’ opinions and living for oneself is a little selfish, but…is it really?
This is your life after all, why live it doing something you don’t want to do?
This doesn’t mean you can’t help, look out for, or take care of others.
If that’s what you want (or have) to do, that’s acceptable as well.
Just know that there could also be something out there that would allow you to do both, that you can move forward to today.
Alex Hormozi has this great thread I like to think about when I start caring too much about what others think:
“At your funeral, friends and family will argue over who gets what. People will want food to eat. The topic will shift from your life to their lives. They’ll drive away thinking about their looming to-do list. Some people won’t be able to make it because ‘something came up.’…
…The only judge who has complete context on our lives, dies with us. A reminder of the heavy weight we place on things that matter little.”
In other words:
Time spent living based on what others think, although it may feel important, is really time wasted, because they don’t actually care.
The Path Has Always Been
In 1893, a young man by the name of Mahatma Gandhi traveled to South Africa.
Just two years prior he was studying law in London, and even passed the bar.
He dressed like an English gentleman: he wore suits, ties, gloves, and even had a pocket watch.
Yet in Africa he faced racial discrimination and spent many years fighting for Indian rights.
Throughout this time, things changed.
He began practicing celibacy, nonviolent resistance, and upon returning to India, gave up the western clothing, choosing to wear simple Indian attire.
Eventually, his efforts led to significant changes like the Salt March, decolonization of India, and the inspiration of later activists like MLK, Mandela, Cesar Chavez, and the Dalai Lama.
Now I don’t claim to know what Gandhi was thinking throughout his life, but one could imagine the realizations he must have had that accompanied such drastic changes.
Somewhere along the way he must have realized that what he was doing wasn’t working, and that the path he initially thought to be right, wasn’t.
He then pivoted, did some thinking, made some changes, and became who he became.
And learning how to fight injustice non-violently, how to resist power without taking power, and how to create change without becoming the system made him the person we know now.
There are many lessons from Gandhi we can take and apply to our lives.
The first being: change is possible.
Not only societal change but personal change as well.
If you feel stuck in your path or old ways and find it hard to change, remember: change doesn’t happen overnight.
In fact Gandhi’s adjustments likely took him years of effort and molding.
Second: Sometimes what everyone is telling you is right, isn’t.
Going through the system, talking and dressing like everyone else, and doing things the “right way” appears to be the obvious route.
That’s what society would tell you is the right path.
But for Gandhi, returning to his roots, thinking for himself, and learning from what didn’t work made him realize what he couldn’t see before.
In many instances we already know deep down what we should be doing and what is “the right way”.
We’ve just built up habits of ignoring that little voice in our heads for so long that it’s become quiet.
But if we learn to listen to our heart and gut again (and make sure it’s not just lying to us), we might find some truths about ourselves we never knew before.
Because, here’s the thing about being on the right path.
When you’re on the right path, there is no uncertainty.
You may not know how it’s going to play out or if it’ll ever “work out”, but there’s an underlying sense that this is what you should be doing.
And in all other instances there’s a resistance, an awkwardness, a resentment for the exact opposite reasons.
If it feels like you’re going the wrong way, it’s because you are.
This is no illusion or trick the mind is playing on us.
Our gut and heart is telling us what it wants and what to do.
Instead of walking away from it, all we have to do is walk down it.
Forget what other people would think or say (you’re not that important to them anyways).
Get used to doing hard things (because that’s what makes life fun).
And do it your way (the path has always been there).
A simple reminder from Confucius:
“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”
